A Key For Knowing What to Say

In the realm of difficult questions, we often hear, “What do I say to this person?” If you are not asking that question every now and then, it probably means one of two things. Either you are avoiding certain people so that you don’t have to say anything; or you are talking without thinking. If the latter is the case, you probably have shoe leather stuck in your teeth from putting your foot in your mouth. James 1:19 says, “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.” If you are striving to be slow to speak, that means you are taking time to think through your answer to “what do I say to this person?”

Colossians 4:6 gives us the place to start. It says, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” The words that should catch your attention are “so that.” This is a result clause telling us what will happen. The result is that you will know what to say to that person you are dealing with. This is what we were looking for!

So, there is hope that we will know what to say. However, there is work to be done and it is on the heart level. We have to first get to the place where our speech is always filled with grace. This means that that the second commandment is being applied to our tongue. We are to love our neighbor in the same way that we care for, nurture, and protect ourselves. Our words are to be words that do those kinds of things. That person might not deserve it, but that is what grace is all about. When there are hard things that need to be said, your sincere desire for their good and how you want to accomplish it should be sprinkled liberally throughout the conversation.

So how will you know when you have just the right words to say to someone? You will know it when your deepest desire is their good, your fear of conflict is overcome by the compulsion of love, your words are both truthful and loving (meaning truth is spoken in ways that are understandable and more palatable), and your speech is infused with undeserved blessing, forbearance, and help.

When the second commandment has control of your tongue, grace will shape your words, and you can speak with confidence.

Proverbs 10:11 (NASB95) — 11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, But the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

Proverbs 15:23 (NASB95) — 23 A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!

Proverbs 15:28 (NASB95) — 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.