Guilting People Will Always Backfire

Many features of God’s creation showcase His intentional design. The Woodpecker has a special tongue that wraps around his skull providing a cushion for what would otherwise be a concussion-causing job. The Aye-Aye has incredibly long thin fingers for finding and pulling out grubs through small holes in trees. The Crabeater Seal doesn’t actually eat crabs, but has some of the craziest teeth you have ever seen, which are perfect for catching and filtering Krill. These amazing creatures clearly show God’s creativity and purpose in how they are made. Is there anything like this for humans?

Of all the creation, humans stand out as unique and exalted for one main reason; we are made in the image of God. Wrapped into this image is the understanding of right and wrong. You will never see an animal agonizing over a wrecked conscience. But what does this ability to know and feel guilt mean? Are we to use this ability as a ministry tool? The answer is more nuanced than you might think.

This topic was addressed at a recent evening service as we studied the response of Ezra and the Israelites to their sin of intermarrying among the peoples of the nations around them. Guilt was a key feature that was acknowledged and used rightly. There are clearly right and wrong ways for using guilt.

First, since God’s people speak the truth in love, guilt must be awakened in the people around us on occasion. When there is clear disobedience to God’s commands, love demands that the people of God speak to it. It must be done in gentleness (Gal.6:1), but done nonetheless. Lives are on the line and the church must be faithful. As the pillar and support of the truth, God’s people point to the deceptive lies that are being believed and the guilt which exists. Helping people put sin to death means guilt has to be acknowledged and brought to the cross.

But sadly, any ability can be used sinfully. Every hammer can become a murder weapon, and every word a drop of poison. The ability to stir up guilt has often been used for unbiblical purposes. Even when godliness is the goal, guilting people into growth is riddled with problems. Let’s examine these.

Humans can’t use the tool of guilt in an absolute and ultimate sense because we are not omniscient. We don’t really know with precision all the ins and outs of guilt within a human heart. Two people could both be guilty of sinful anger, but one is an elder of a church and the other is a newly converted drug addict. The degree of guilt is quite different for these two. The reality is you often don’t know what people know or what their situation actually is, and you will never know it in fullness. This is why we must limit our use of guilt to matters of clear biblical disobedience. This is the appropriate and commanded use of guilt.

Guilting people is something different. Perceiving some level of disobedience in the midst of obedience, we try to produce growth through shame or guilt. This is not the place to press guilt. When it comes to greater levels of godliness and obedience we acknowledge personal freedom and the rule of conscience. As Paul said in Romans 14:4, “Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”

With that established, we can examine why guilting people into action isn’t a God honoring process. First, it simply won’t work. At least it won’t work the way we want it to work. What is the Christian life supposed to look like? Romans 14:17 says “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” A guilt-driven person is the most miserable person you will ever meet. Miserable Christians don’t honor Christ nor make Him attractive to unbelievers. What we want are Spirit-filled, gifted, and empowered people who are resting in the finished work of the cross and not their own efforts. These are people whom the Spirit is shepherding along into new levels of obedience. Guilt, on the other hand, wears you down in brokenness. How could that be an engine for glad service?

Second, guilting people can lead to unhealthy comparisons and judging each other. You may be able to push a person into doing more nursery work or greater giving by saying “if you really loved Jesus you would do thus and so.” But when the person on the receiving end of that guilt trip grows in Bible knowledge, he will be able to say the same thing back to the person regarding some other area of Christian living. All of us have areas where we are not doing all we can. Who would want to go to a church where we are all pointing out what we are not doing and should be? Now, does this mean we never say anything? Not at all. Hebrews 10:24–25 says, “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” So we should be stimulating each other and encouraging each other to a closer following of Christ. We should be giving examples in specific areas where we have grown and call the rest to follow as we follow Christ. This is what discipleship is all about. But this is very different than guilting people.

Finally, guilting people dishonors God and is actually a fleshly version of leaning on your own understanding. Someone who uses this approach is in essence saying, “I don’t trust God to work in this person’s life do this so I am going to do something on my own.” It means a person thinks prayer is a worthless exercise. But the biblical reality is Paul “planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth.” (1 Cor. 3:6) God is going to finish what He started (Phil. 1:6) and He is going to do that by working in a person “both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” (Phil. 2:13) He knows exactly what is happening in a heart, how to apply guilt root out sin, and grow them in grace. God will even use your prayers, your examples, and your words of exhortation and encouragement. But the practice of guilting people will be something that God will deal with by showing you the guilt of that.

We are to be a people of the cross. We will have situational guilt that is daily cleansed through the blood of Christ (1 Jn.1:7). But positionally we stand innocent in Christ and from that position we will grow more and more each day. Guilt trips driven by misguided people are journeys that don’t need to be traveled.