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Pastor Jay's Blog

Husbands, Submit To Your Wives

 

How is that for a provocative title? I may have just lost all my conservative readers, who recognize the role of male headship in the home, as well as any liberal readers who reject the idea of roles in any form whatsoever. So, if I have anyone who is still reading, let me take you to Scripture to show you that this is far more than a provocative title, it is the teaching of God’s word.

1 Peter is a book full of suffering. In this theme of suffering, Peter turns to a reality that will be the source of much grief in our lives; the various layers of authority and subordination we are a part of. In chapter 2, Peter begins walking us through a variety of authority/submission structures that most people will find themselves in one way or another. For many in this sinful world, abuse of authority is a key way suffering comes into their lives.

In an unbroken progression, Peter begins at verse 13 speaking of civil authorities such as kings and governors. In verse 18, he moves to authorities in the labor field and speaks to slaves who are under masters. Into chapter 3, with the phrase “In the same way,” Peter continues the authority/submission theme as it relates to the home in the husband/wife relationship. He first addresses the wives and calls them to submit to their husbands.

So far, we are in familiar territory. But then Peter makes a surprising move. At each point thus far, he has been speaking to those who are to be submissively under authority. But then Peter speaks to husbands. To makes sure we have not lost his train of thought, Peter uses the phrase “in the same way” again. Peter is saying that he has not left his theme of how to be submissive. There is a kind of submission that must mark husbands.

Here is where the question really comes into focus. What is this submission that Peter wants husbands to practice? Clearly it has to be something different than what he just commanded wives to exercise. You can’t have two people submitting in the exact same way, in the exact same context. Peter could not have been thinking about husbands in a role of submission, for that is what he gave wives in the context of the home where the husband is the leader, protector, and main provider. In their submissive role, wives are to deploy all their vast relational, intellectual, and skillful abilities to advance the home that is directed and lead by the husband.

So what “same way” is the husband to submit to his wife? Peter clearly defines that submission in terms of meeting the wife’s needs. A husband is to submit his leadership role to the priority of serving and nurturing the various needs his wife will have. This does not mean that the wife is making the decisions for the home. It means that a husband should be taking the home in a direction, and in a manner, that both blesses his wife and utilizes her skill-set. A wife will have certain weaknesses and a husband is to use his strength and decision-making to help his wife minimize those. A wife will also have strengths. She is an heir of the grace of life, and that grace will grant her unique abilities. She should be honored for what she has been given by God, and a husband’s decisions should be made in light of how God made her.

Just in case you want some additional support for this, the other key passage about marital roles of authority and submission is in Ephesians 5. Verses 22-33 are all about these roles. But it must be noted that the whole concept of submission in verses 22-33 is kicked off in verse 21. Verse 21 concludes a description of the Spirit-filled life with a final mark of being “subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” This “subjection to one another” will include the relationship between husbands and wives. Notice as well the care and concern the husband is called to give to his wife in verses 25-30. It is the very essence of submitting one’s goals, abilities, and roles for the good of another.

So husbands, step up to your calling as the head of the home, by lowering yourself as a servant. Take up the bowl and towel, as your supreme master did on the night of his betrayal, and use your decision-making authority to bless and serve and nurture and honor your wife.

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